Sunday, March 15, 2015

What is it?

From the past few months, I'm feeling as if I'm losing my mind. Not in the sense that I'm going mad, but in the sense that I tend to forget things easily. Or that when I'm multitasking I'm not able to give appropriate concentration to all the tasks. Being me, I don't like either of them at all. And that makes me wonder - why? What has changed?

While I was in US I was able to spend a lot of time thinking and meditating on various topics. One of them was, how vast the universe is and how mindboggingly much is there to explore and learn. I loved reading books and just to read all the books that are out there in the world, it would surely take me more than one single lifetime. There are so many places to visit and to visit them all, is it really possible within one's life? There are so many good movies and TV series which people can watch and learn from, is it possible to watch all of them? Especially when continuously new books are being written, new movies and TV series are being made and new areas are being explored by various people. Not only this, I also wanted to learn all kinds of arts & crafts. Painting, drawing, sketching, playing a piano, various dances. How to accomplish everything?

Productivity.

That was my response. It's management term, and highly misused in today's IT world. But I started thinking about newer ways to improve my productivity. One way was multitasking. So, I would cook while watching a movie. I would travel while listening to songs. I would listen to songs while reading a book or learning how to sketch. I trained my senses to be independent of each other. Or at least tried to. So, my brain would process multiple things and a rapid pace.

And.. I loved it.

But now that I'm feeling unable to do that anymore.. Is it that I'm burned out? Is it that putting all that load on my mind has caused it to forget some other basic things? If I need to search for words these days - is it because of that? But then, practice should make a man perfect. So, what's wrong? Is it the food here? Is it the water? Environment? City? Or is it that I'm just not getting enough time for myself anymore? I don't have time to read books and that is affecting my thought processes and my vocabulary? I am spending most of my time talking to people who are unable to stimulate my brain?

I was reading an old draft entry for the blog that I haven't found the time to finish yet. It's about 3 years old and yet feels as if someone else has written it. Could it really be mine. Yes, I remember the idea. But how was I able to put it in such words. Could it very simply be that I'm getting older? Hmm.. Well.. Whatever..

Oh! That reminds me. Recently - Actually two months ago - I found that I was losing my self confidence. I wasn't the same person as what I was in college. I had started counting losses. For myself. And once again I made a conscious effort and am trying to change the attitude to be the same old arrogant person everyone hated. And loss - those aren't mine anymore. In every transaction there are atleast two people involved. And unless there is equality, one side gains and the other loses. Now those losses that I was counting aren't mine. If people judged me poorly, it's their loss. Not mine. And hence the return of Whatever!! :D

Hoping to reduce the time that I spent on worthless things - games, movies, etc. and to spend it more on better things. The blog, as I find is one of the better things.. If I'm able to stay away from the games, there are plenty of ideas that are stuffed in the cold storage section of my mind and need to be taken out, reheated and served on the blog. So if anyone actually reads my blog (and frankly I don't care if u do or don't) - Stay tuned!! :D

1 comment:

  1. For sharing knowledge, emotions and incidences from life, blog is the best place. It connects with the whole world with just a click.

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