Perfection

There have been around 7 or 8 topics over the past few weeks on which I've wanted to pen down my thoughts. But well, I'm married now and the blog has taken a backseat.. Not that I was churning out blogs by dozens before. But I can finally use marriage as an excuse for once, so just lemme.

The foremost among all topics that have been bugging me is Perfection.What is it? Who defines it? Can anyone achieve it? Has there been anybody who was just perfect in each and every way. I've never worn suits but these ads have always attracted me and egged me on to find perfection. Weird - right? But well.. that's how it has always been.

Of late, I've been told - Nobody is perfect and one shouldn't try to achieve it. It's hopeless/worthless/waste of time - pick one. Instead one should live life to it's fullest. This has caused me to look back on pretty much my whole life in which every action I took was to move forward to be a better person. Better by whose standards, you ask? Mine. I believe perfection like beauty, lies in the eyes of the beholder. For someone begging at a street light, a guy in Mercedes may seem to have a perfect life. Or not. As I said, eyes of the beholder.

Broke the chain of thought.. Rest may follow later..

Stupid List #1 - Left handed stuff

So I sprained my right thumb/wrist last Friday and as it's in a splint, have to use only one hand for various activities. For some stupid reason I thought about what I can and can't do with just my left hand and wanted to actually list it out.. This may be an evolving list as I discover more:

Things I can do with Left Hand only :

1. Eat
2. Type - Write a blog
3. Attend and make phone calls
4. Use a laptop to watch movies
5. Pour myself juice in a glass and drink
6. Clean the dishes
7. Laundry
8. Vacuum the floors
9. Write (in a crude but discernible way)
10. Play basic arcade games like candy crush and HoC
11. Make my bed
12. Shopping.. :P
13. Use chopsticks!! :D

Things I can't do with Left Hand only:
1. Cook
2. Drive
3. Photography using my current DSLR
4. Sketching (Though to be fair, I haven't tried this yet..)

People vs Machines

So the ideas behind this entry have been going on in my mind for a couple of months now, but I just couldn't get to it. Back in the US, I'm trying to get back to " the high energy levels with low sleep while getting a lot of things done " self, and so haven't been spending time on hobbies as much. Today, something changed.

So as I said - I've been thinking about machines and people. And how I trust the machines a lot more than I trust people - which doesn't mean that I don't trust people. Just that if I was stuck in the middle of a lake, I would prefer a remote controlled boat with the remote in my hand over a person standing on the shore watching my predicament.

People are fickle. Machines are not. My computer has 3 hours and 19 minutes worth of battery left  and if I do not charge it, it's not gonna complain - maybe remind me but never accuse me until it's dead (switch off due to lack of electricity). In my dictionary that's selflessness though to argue the point there is not self in case of machines. But that is what makes machines different from humans and slightly more reliable. If a machine stops working - there is always a logical reason. If a person stops talking, or changes their behaviour - logical may just be a perspective.

Now this thought originated while listening to one of my American friends talk about his other Indian friends suddenly behaving hypocritically. I have always believed that we as Indians learn the art of hypocrisy (or softly putting it - art of being politically correct) at a very young age. We love manipulating people - mostly coz it adds to the drama that happens around us and we love drama. However, a lot of people do not understand that and still believe in the age old ways of "Do I have your word?" and take you on it. But when the "sudden circumstances" stop you from keeping your word - they do not understand. And this is where the machines start gaining an edge. The sudden circumstances are mostly related to the comfort of self. Oh well! It was so hot and we were tired so we couldn't do this. However, the machines would blow themselves out trying to do what they were supposed to.

The thought compounded by the additional observations I made around myself - looking at various people and different transactions happening and actually seeing how little people in the world today are ready to go out of their way to help someone.

The thoughts going through my mind today - have been a huge swing factor in favor of the machines.
Because, there's no thinking involved and there's no sense of self - there are no ego clashes while dealing with machines. There's no one who has to be better or worse. A logical plan can be implemented flawlessly if machines are involved. That's coz the human factor is reduced. We have six sigma process for creation of machines to reduce the errors and to achieve flawlessness. We discard the machines that do not live upto the quality standards. No such process exists for humans.

As usual, I can go on and on - but wanna get some sleep and before concluding let me mention (and kinda repeat) - this does not mean that I'm anti-human.. Mistakes are what make us human. However, sometimes dealing with humans can get a whole lot frustrating - well.. just coz they're humans. With machines - logic always works.

Of Cocoons and Tortoise shells

I rarely read self-help books. I believe, and you would know this if you've read my past blogs, that the knowledge is inherently present in the human brain and more than learning - education is about discovering and connecting the dots. One of the few that I once picked and didn't finish coz I found it boring and nothing new to learn was "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus". One of the things it says about men is that men are like a rubber-band. I kind of agree - though I do not like that analogy much and imagine a different meaning. Men will stretch to accommodate other's needs, esp. any special women they have in life - but with each stretch there comes an uneasiness. A need of liberation. And soon, there comes a point where they need to retreat back to the original position or will break. Alternately, u can pick the opinion of the book. And about women - it says that they are like the waves. Rise and Fall.

And this was why I didn't read any further. If you delve into it - both the behaviors are very similar. Stretch and Return. Rise and Fall.

Nyways - I didn't wanna talk about the book in this entry. That just came to my mind coz it was kind of related.

Recently, I've adopted a better analogy for the behavior between men and women. And I'm not gonna be specific about who does what - coz frankly that's not how the human brain works. A woman can as surely be a "rubber band" as a man can be "wave". The analogy I propose is of cocoons and tortoise shells.

All men and women have various ways to deal with things. Time to time when things get overwhelming - stretching of rubber band or a height of the wave or whatever other analogies you wanna use - they use these systems as a way to cope up. What I observe is two major kinds of retreat systems:

Cocoon : This kind of retreat system involves surrounding yourself with things you like and completely ignoring the things that you don't. To the point that someone can pick u up, toss you into boiling water and you won't notice until it's too late. This is a very comforting kind of retreat system and a preferred way of introspection. If you survive the time spent in it and continue the introspection process, at the appropriate time - which could be days to weeks - when you emerge you feel renewed. Ready to take on the world. Like you've added a new dimension to yourself. Until things get bad again and you remember how comforting the cocoon was and try to retreat.

Tortoise Shell : This kind of retreat system can be cumbersome. Unlike the cocoon which takes days to weeks, this kind of system is carried around everywhere and u can be in and out in a blink. At the first sign of things going South, you retreat into the shell. But unlike the cocoon, you are not blind here. So if a life threatening situation arises - you see it coming and may choose to act. Like the cocoon, the shell provides a familiar surrounding, thereby reassuring you. But unlike the cocoon, it also provides robustness. You can retreat and easily deflect all kinds of personal attacks. And still keeping an eye on the proceedings so as soon as u find a way out - you take it. This is the typical escapist approach. Deflect until the attack is over or you get an opportunity to run. However, because all the time goes in carrying the shell around, there's barely any time left for true introspection. You live longer - but you would never emerge out of the shell as a changed person.

Now, this is a topic about retreat systems - so don't get any "Why don't you take things head on" kind of ideas. Personally, shell is my favorite - however I've tried to reduce the time of hibernation in cocoon and have found them to be really effective for personal growth.

That's All Folks!!

Serendipity!?

Not so random thoughts.. Figured I should list it out..

1. I want you to be by my side so we watch the sunset over a beach together.
2. I want you by my side when I'm enjoying a drive with soothing music playing in the car.
3. I want you by my side when I'm just generally wondering looking at the raindrops falling from the sky through the glass top of my car.
4. I want you to listen to all my weird theories and give your comments/opinions - coz seriously, I am stupid and need someone sensible to listen to me and talk some sense into me.
5. I want you to be with me so we can together explore all the restaurants and eateries in every town/city we visit.
6. I want you to be there with me while we travel around the globe exploring all the wonderful things out there.
7. I want you to be the kid with me.. sing with me and dance with me.. in the public or at home. To just be crazy with me..
8. I want you to be my inspiration in life. The driving force so I can be a better person every day.
9. I also want you to be the foundation of my life going forth.
10. And lastly I need you to be the mother of my kids. Coz frankly, I will probably be an awful dad. So they'll need a better role model than me.

I can't promise much in return.. But..

1. I will always be there for you - whenever you need me.
2. If you wanna get drunk and need me to drive you back home - I promise not to drink a drop of alcohol.
3. If you are feeling low and need someone to listen - my ears would always be within reach.
4. If you ever need to cheer up - I'll make sure I have some good jokes handy
5. I will care for you and make sure that I have time for you whenever you need.

All in all, basically, I will be with you - always and forever - like the clichéd saying of in health and sickness and so on. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I will try to make all of it fun and filled with happiness, as much as I can, but will be able to do so only with your support.

So , :), will you marry me?

What is it?

From the past few months, I'm feeling as if I'm losing my mind. Not in the sense that I'm going mad, but in the sense that I tend to forget things easily. Or that when I'm multitasking I'm not able to give appropriate concentration to all the tasks. Being me, I don't like either of them at all. And that makes me wonder - why? What has changed?

While I was in US I was able to spend a lot of time thinking and meditating on various topics. One of them was, how vast the universe is and how mindboggingly much is there to explore and learn. I loved reading books and just to read all the books that are out there in the world, it would surely take me more than one single lifetime. There are so many places to visit and to visit them all, is it really possible within one's life? There are so many good movies and TV series which people can watch and learn from, is it possible to watch all of them? Especially when continuously new books are being written, new movies and TV series are being made and new areas are being explored by various people. Not only this, I also wanted to learn all kinds of arts & crafts. Painting, drawing, sketching, playing a piano, various dances. How to accomplish everything?

Productivity.

That was my response. It's management term, and highly misused in today's IT world. But I started thinking about newer ways to improve my productivity. One way was multitasking. So, I would cook while watching a movie. I would travel while listening to songs. I would listen to songs while reading a book or learning how to sketch. I trained my senses to be independent of each other. Or at least tried to. So, my brain would process multiple things and a rapid pace.

And.. I loved it.

But now that I'm feeling unable to do that anymore.. Is it that I'm burned out? Is it that putting all that load on my mind has caused it to forget some other basic things? If I need to search for words these days - is it because of that? But then, practice should make a man perfect. So, what's wrong? Is it the food here? Is it the water? Environment? City? Or is it that I'm just not getting enough time for myself anymore? I don't have time to read books and that is affecting my thought processes and my vocabulary? I am spending most of my time talking to people who are unable to stimulate my brain?

I was reading an old draft entry for the blog that I haven't found the time to finish yet. It's about 3 years old and yet feels as if someone else has written it. Could it really be mine. Yes, I remember the idea. But how was I able to put it in such words. Could it very simply be that I'm getting older? Hmm.. Well.. Whatever..

Oh! That reminds me. Recently - Actually two months ago - I found that I was losing my self confidence. I wasn't the same person as what I was in college. I had started counting losses. For myself. And once again I made a conscious effort and am trying to change the attitude to be the same old arrogant person everyone hated. And loss - those aren't mine anymore. In every transaction there are atleast two people involved. And unless there is equality, one side gains and the other loses. Now those losses that I was counting aren't mine. If people judged me poorly, it's their loss. Not mine. And hence the return of Whatever!! :D

Hoping to reduce the time that I spent on worthless things - games, movies, etc. and to spend it more on better things. The blog, as I find is one of the better things.. If I'm able to stay away from the games, there are plenty of ideas that are stuffed in the cold storage section of my mind and need to be taken out, reheated and served on the blog. So if anyone actually reads my blog (and frankly I don't care if u do or don't) - Stay tuned!! :D

Madness!!??

It was still drizzling. What was it - third consecutive day? The wind also carried a chill now. I was standing in the street. My android was buzzing beside me. It was losing fuel and wouldn't be able to go on for long. Maybe an hour or two. We both knew that. 
There was only one place I could repair it - "The Shrine of Wishes". It was the most coveted and most dangerous place in the broken world now. The thought prompted me to look across the street at the broken, hanging parts of the building in front of me. It had broken off in the gunfire earlier this morning and was now looming over the street, swinging in the wind and threatening to drop over someone passing through the street. That was when my android received some damage too.
NO, I'll have to get it repaired. No matter what the cost. No matter how much dangerous it is. The android was the last companion I had. Infact it was the only companion I remembered. My parents were long gone.. my friends were scattered and had lost contact since what now felt ages ago. I'll have to save it.
With that thought, I moved. The android, as if reading my mind, buzzed along. That's what I didn't want to lose. Over the years, I had developed a connection. It would buzz and beep as if to talk to me, and I would respond back. People thought I was mad. Maybe I was. But I understood what it meant to say with the buzzes and beeps. And it understood me, was my constant companion in whatever I was going through. 
The Shrine of Wishes was now controlled by a family who provided entertainment to people all over the world at the expense of desperate people who wanted to get to The Shrine of Wishes. Desperate people like me. They had built a maze around the shop. Not with hedges, but barbed wires. Some parts of the fence were electrified. There were traps that were installed to make it more tricky. Sticky traps, that if stepped on, would glue you to the floor and unless you pay handsomely for the rescue, you could be trapped there until you die of hunger. Exploding traps, blowing people to smithereens whenever someone stepped on them. That made sure, only the desperate would venture into the maze.
Well, desperate or lucky. There were some stories of people being escorted into the maze by The Princess. The Princess was a legendary figure. Younger daughter of the family, beautiful beyond dreams, she grew up in the shadows of the maze and knew every step of the maze like the back of her hand. She was said to be wild, with a heart of her own. She defied the family when she wanted. And killed for them as per her whims. I had seen her once. A flitting glance she gave me. I believe that was the day I lost my heart.
I could now see the gate. And my android was still buzzing. But I could feel that it was about to give up. It needed more fuel to make it to The Shrine of Wishes at the center of the maze. Where would I get it? I had no money. The android read my mind again and moved towards the gate as if to usher me in. The guards saw me coming. A poor young guy in tatters. One of them said something, and they all laughed. Probably, talking about how long I would last. The guard tower had fuel. Would they let me have some? Why would they? I had nothing to give them. I told the guards that I needed to go to The Shrine of Wishes. 
"For what? You wanna rule the world?". 
"No, I want to save my android". 
"Save your android!!! Foolish boy, you could buy a new one easily. Why do you want to risk your life for an android?". 
"I have to. I don't want another". 
"If you don't have the money to buy another, get a job, let this one die, and buy another later. Why waste your life for a stupid piece of junk?". 
"I just have to. Will you please open the gate?". 
"You know that we have to let in anyone who asks. We only wanted to help you, save your life".
"Well, if you want to help me, can you give me some fuel so that my android can make it The Shrine of Wishes?", I asked with a ray of hope. 
"We wanted to help you by saving you from death. If you are bent on venturing into the maze why do you want to waste our fuel? No, you are not getting anything. Now either go in or scram.. ", one of them shouted and I ran in.

As I turned the corner, I heard familiar beep. I looked at my android. It was carrying a vial of fuel. Enough to make it to "The Shrine of Wishes".
"Where'd you get that?"."From the guard tower?". "You snuck in grabbed it while I was talking to them". "Won't they miss it?". "What do you mean it's contaminated?". "You want me to filter it?".
I looked at the green fluid in the vial. I could see a dead mosquito floating in the syrupy liquid. So, that was why the guards had discarded. Even then, this was stealing. They would shoot me if they knew, with no regard for my life anymore. But I had to do it. I had to take out the mosquito, and plug the vial into my android so it could make it to The Shrine. I checked my pockets to see if i had something that i could use to pick the mosquito out. I found a pencil. I broke the seal with a stone i found lying on the ground. Apart from the sound of breaking glass, i heard something else. Someone shouting in the distance. Other voices followed. Had they found the missing vial? Were they going to come after me now? I wasn't very deep into the maze, so that wasn't going to deter them. I had to hurry. I quickly dipped the pencil, sharp end first into the liquid and tried to scoop the mosquito out. The pencil lead seemed bigger in the viscous fluid. Was it physics, playing trick on my mind or did the fuel just react to carbon. The sharp end had reached the mosquito. The voices were getting nearer. I tilted the pencil and jerked it. I got lucky and the mosquito was out of the liquid. I quickly gave the liquid another glance. It was clear now. No sign of any contamination. I plugged it in to my android and emptied it just as the shouts drew nearer and the first bullet struck the ground near my feet. I ran.
"Running in a maze full of traps. He's mad. Let's leave him be. He'll die anyways.", I heard someone shout behind me and the bullets stopped.
Of course, it was madness. What was I thinking. What if I stepped on a trap coz of how fast I was going. People here take a lot of time for each step, each turn. And yet I was flying.. Colored tiles whizzing by me. My android, buzzing and trying to keep up with me. A colored tile with something red on it came into my view. I was going to step on it. It was a trap. Something was taped on it. There was blood too. What else could it be. Oh God! was this the end. My end. Just a puff of smoke? Where else could I go. If I leapt I would be heading towards the fence. Was it electrified. What had I read about electricity. You can't be electrified if you don't touch a naked wire. What if instead of trying to leap over the fence, I leap on it. Would my shoes protect me. Better chance than the tile. And so, I leapt.
And with that leap, everything suddenly slowed down. I saw the maze in a new light. Every tile, every wire, every corner - made sense to me. The maze didn't take lives because of traps in it. It took lives because people were desperate. And because people feared the maze. Because they feared death. The traps were supposed to be scattered. But to me they made a pattern, in a way that no one could reach the Shrine if they followed the beat down path. I stepped over the wired fence - nothing happened. I was still alive. I jumped again. This time over another set of tiles. I leapt again, this time to take a shortcut over the wired fence.. towards the center.. towards The Shrine. And suddenly something whizzed by my ear and hit something behind me. I turned to see a guard dropping to the floor. A javelin stuck out of his heart. Was it meant for him or me. Why would someone want to save me here? I turned again to face whoever threw the javelin..  and froze.
"I was told you ventured into the maze, just for your android", The Princess said. She was balanced majestically over a wired post. As if she was in a ballroom.
"I was intrigued. Why would someone want to go to such lengths for such a petty thing. I wanted to see it for myself. And now I see that you are already breaking the rules of the maze. I want to see where you end up. Go on. I will follow you, though you will not get any help from me.", she continued.
I was still frozen. My heart beating two inches out of my chest. The heart that I had lost the day I first saw her. And now she was in front of me again. Actually talking to me. And she wanted to follow me. Her eyes fixated on me all the time. Her beautiful pearly eyes. I had all their attention. I felt as if I was the luckiest man in the world. I wasn't dead yet. And was being watched by The Princess herself.
"Abhi..". "Abhi..", Suddenly I heard a voice. I knew that name.. Was it mine? But the voice wasn't of this world. Who was it calling. I turned..
And woke up to see my friend calling me to ask where had I kept the keys of the house.