Turmoil

I've been thinking of writing another blog for a few weeks now. Got three separate threads that I want to get out of my head. Yet, here I am, actually writing something entirely different.

As mentioned previously, I wasn't in a great spot last year. Wanted to just head out and keep driving somewhere... nowhere.. anywhere. That idea eventually resulted in a two-week road trip which was amazing. This blog isn't about that.

Less than a month after the road trip, I feel like I'm back in that mode. I'm yet to dissect the causation, but I can definitely identify where this is heading. It stems once again from frustrations that are starting to build within me. It stems from the feeling that I am restricted, unable to do what I want to, and yearning for the freedom that the road brings. The road without boundaries. The road without an end. The road you can continue to travel without stopping. Is stopping necessary?

Sometimes I feel like a nomadic life would've suited me. I haven't felt like setting up roots in ages. Yet, here I am with a house and a wife. An anchor is a funny thing - you really need it in severe weather because it ensures safety, but under clear skies, it needs to be loaded up and carried around, which is a task on its own and takes effort.

I've always fallen back to "Death is lighter than a feather, duty heavier than a mountain.". I know carrying the load is a necessary task. A duty, so to speak. And I'm not one to shirk his. But shouldn't duty come along with purpose? Should it not be towards a goal? Should it not be towards making you a better person? Or should it always feel like you're carrying a mountain that's grinding you down, inevitably getting you to a mindset where Death just feels like a release that you would welcome with open arms.

I'm not going to stop fighting, and I will continue to move forward whether the weather is clear or turbulent. It may make my progress slow, but I will continue to progress. As the song I'm listening to suggests - "Kauravon ki bheed ho ya Pandavon ka need ho, Jo lad saka hai vohi to mahaan hai." Meaning whether you are on the side of light or the side of darkness, only those who've shown the courage to fight the battle have made a name for themselves. I don't care about whether, in the end, I'm considered mahaan, but at the end of the day, I do want to be seen as someone who never stopped fighting for what he believed to be right. Coz, if one isn't able to do that, then what's the purpose of one's existence. What's the purpose of everyone being different and leading different lives?