Fortitude

 Another day, another song, another thought chain, and another blog.

The sea calms down, and clear skies begin to emerge.

Listening to "Namo Namo" from the movie Kedarnath today. A couple of lines from it go :

"Doosron k vaaste, tu sadaiv hi jiya
Manga kuch bhi nahi, tune sirf hai diya"

Meaning you always lived for others. You never wished anything for yourself but have always just given.

It's a very high bar - no wonder that it's set by a God. It triggered a thought of how difficult it is to just give without wishing for anything in return. You have to be completely detached from any and all pleasures and wants. A true ascetic. An inspiration. An aspiration?

Drawing parallels to The Wheel of Time, there comes a time in Rand's character growth when he starts hardening himself. People around him wonder whether he's turning himself into steel or stone. Both hard materials. Both suitable as a weapon. Both lacking any feelings. Steel can cut through, punch through. Rock can bear a lot. But both can be shattered. And shatter he does, towards the end when he nearly kills his father in anger. Once he realizes that you keep going over and over the same thing because each time you do, you are getting another chance to do it right, he understands his purpose. And he understands that it needs to be done, but he cannot lose his emotions in the process. He cannot lose the way he feels.

Quoting a summary from wot fandom post his realization:


"Rand opens his eyes for what seems the first time. He has a strange feeling that he will never again hear Lews Therin's voice inside his head. They were not two different men and had never been. He looks into the sky and sees the sun's rays through the gloom. He smiles and lets out a rich and true laugh.

It has been far too long."

So, it has.

Perspectives

 So, with the sea of thoughts churning within me, I resorted to music to get some clarity on my thoughts. Now I've long believed that every single mood of mine, or a series of thoughts going through my head, can be reflected in a song. The one today, going on repeat, is "Sadda Haq" from the movie Rockstar. A song that was an instant hit when it came out, but I never saw the charm of it. Until now.

It starts with positing this : 

"Tum logon ki is duniya mein,
Har kadam par insaan galat.
Mein sahi samajh kar jo bhi karun,
tum kehte ho galat.
Mein galat hun to phir kaun sahi?
Marzi see jeene ki bhi mein kya tum sab ko arzi dun?
Matlab ki tum sabka mujhpe mujhse bhi zyada haq hai?"

Translating to English, it means :

"In your world,
every step someone takes is wrong.
I do something that I consider to be right,
but you tell me that I do it wrong.
If I'm wrong, then who's right?
To live as I want, do I need to petition you and get your approval?
Does that mean that y'all own me more than I do?"

Thinking through it, I realized that everyone that listens to this song identifies with the person asking the question and not the crowd the question is being asked of. Something that I also recently read in a book - Everyone is a hero in their own story. Nobody considers themselves to be the villain or that they are doing something wrong. Falling back to a very old theory of mine, every action that someone takes can be explained given the circumstances. Lex Luthor considers himself to be correct. So does Joker and Penguin, and every other comic book villain. 

So yes, everyone considers themselves to be right. If that's the case, then where there's disagreement, the only two ways of resolution become complete annihilation of one party or a compromise between the two. This assumes that neither of them is ready to change their beliefs.

Take an example of the current American politics - that seems to be kind of where it's heading. Unless the people realize that being stubborn with their beliefs and not being ready to see the other side or to achieve a compromise, this path will only lead to chaos.

Turmoil

I've been thinking of writing another blog for a few weeks now. Got three separate threads that I want to get out of my head. Yet, here I am, actually writing something entirely different.

As mentioned previously, I wasn't in a great spot last year. Wanted to just head out and keep driving somewhere... nowhere.. anywhere. That idea eventually resulted in a two-week road trip which was amazing. This blog isn't about that.

Less than a month after the road trip, I feel like I'm back in that mode. I'm yet to dissect the causation, but I can definitely identify where this is heading. It stems once again from frustrations that are starting to build within me. It stems from the feeling that I am restricted, unable to do what I want to, and yearning for the freedom that the road brings. The road without boundaries. The road without an end. The road you can continue to travel without stopping. Is stopping necessary?

Sometimes I feel like a nomadic life would've suited me. I haven't felt like setting up roots in ages. Yet, here I am with a house and a wife. An anchor is a funny thing - you really need it in severe weather because it ensures safety, but under clear skies, it needs to be loaded up and carried around, which is a task on its own and takes effort.

I've always fallen back to "Death is lighter than a feather, duty heavier than a mountain.". I know carrying the load is a necessary task. A duty, so to speak. And I'm not one to shirk his. But shouldn't duty come along with purpose? Should it not be towards a goal? Should it not be towards making you a better person? Or should it always feel like you're carrying a mountain that's grinding you down, inevitably getting you to a mindset where Death just feels like a release that you would welcome with open arms.

I'm not going to stop fighting, and I will continue to move forward whether the weather is clear or turbulent. It may make my progress slow, but I will continue to progress. As the song I'm listening to suggests - "Kauravon ki bheed ho ya Pandavon ka need ho, Jo lad saka hai vohi to mahaan hai." Meaning whether you are on the side of light or the side of darkness, only those who've shown the courage to fight the battle have made a name for themselves. I don't care about whether, in the end, I'm considered mahaan, but at the end of the day, I do want to be seen as someone who never stopped fighting for what he believed to be right. Coz, if one isn't able to do that, then what's the purpose of one's existence. What's the purpose of everyone being different and leading different lives?