Stressors & Relaxers

Two months after I hoped I would be in my high-performing state, I finally feel I am. My thoughts now naturally wander to places I like. I'm thinking better, doing better, and feeling better.

Some of it can be attributed to the "me time" I have had since Aditi was on vacation in India. But I want to attribute a lion's share to the small changes I've been trying to make since last year. Puts Atomic Habits into a very real perspective. You don't see it coming, but you can look back and see all the good work you put into build-up over time.

Last year, around this time, I was stressed out. I had fewer responsibilities than now, but when I look back, I remember having thoughts when, while driving to my office, I had thoughts of just skipping and continuing to drive down the road to wherever it took me. No destination. That's where my idea of a long road trip originated from. I was insecure, unsure, and anxious.

Now, 1 year later, even though I have more responsibilities - I bought a house, got a promotion, am leading a new project, and managing more people - I feel much happier, more relaxed, and more content.

So what changed? I reflected. 

And I found that I was keeping a lot of stressors with me and was not giving myself any relaxers.

I was trying to control things that weren't in my control. I was trying to help people that didn't want to be helped. I was dwelling a lot on communication gaps like when people wouldn't understand what I was trying to say. I had stopped improving. I had stopped learning. I was stagnant. All of these and more were my stressors.

What are my relaxers? I've talked about it previously. Music - I wasn't listening to it much. Creativity - I wasn't making anything new. Me Time - I wasn't having any. Water - I wasn't spending much time with it. Thinking - I couldn't do much because I wasn't getting time to myself.

And that's all there was to it. Life will always send stressors your way. That's what life does. Things are going well, and then they suddenly don't. The key to getting through is to not let those stressors build up and continue to visit your relaxers. Things that make you happy. Put one step in front of another and keep walking. Until a solution is in sight. Until things again change for the better.

Now I'm listening to music nearly every single day. I've been woodworking and gardening. I have time to think and write these blogs.

Dispositions, Outlooks, and Moods

So I had to look up the definitions to refresh my mind even though I knew what I wanted to write about. And I pass that on to you as well :

Disposition is defined as a person's inherent qualities of mind and character

Outlook is defined as a person's point of view or general attitude to life

Mood is defined as a temporary state of mind or feeling

And that's our topic for today. Of late, I have been in high spirits. Higher than I usually associate with myself. I've had a good state of mind, I've been looking for improvements, and I've been tackling issues with a smile on my face. As I explained to someone on a call in January - Sometimes, we are able to dictate a change in our dispositions, and other times the dispositions make us do what we do.

I have a mood tracker, and it has six options: Angry, Sad, Meh, Neutral, Happy, and Ecstatic. Last year, I was consistently neutral. And I wasn't exactly happy. No surprise. This year, I decided to force myself to think better, give myself more leeway, and let myself feel more happy. That meant that for the first few days, I consciously reminded myself that I needed to rate myself Happy or above. After 15 days or so, now I don't have to force it anymore. I see that prompt about what my current mood is, and my brain automatically responds, Happy!! And I am. More so than last year. This, I consider, is partly responsible for my feeling of being in higher spirits.

What I noticed additionally, though, is that since I made this change, I approach things differently. I talk to people more positively. I accept the issues & challenges thrown towards me, and instead of letting them drag me down, I look for the positives and the next step forward. I feel & hope this has also rubbed off on the people that I converse with. 

So what caused me to write about it? 

Today, I arrived in the office, as usual, full of high spirits, looking forward to what I can achieve today, and trying to add some new habits to organize myself and my work better. Then I received a call, and the other person was not in a good mood. And that rubbed off on me, and I started feeling as if I was getting dragged down. And it triggered the thought of how different people's dispositions, outlooks, and moods get passed around. If I'm talking to someone with a smile on my face, more often than not, irrespective of what the other person is feeling in their life, they would feel better. However much we deny, we are all connected as species. 

We run away from each other if there are conflicts because our survivalist instincts kick in, and we want to preserve ourselves. But give us a safe space and a happy crowd, and we will all connect. Look at how concerts typically go. Like-minded people all enjoying something they all love. Together.

The challenge a person thus has to live a happy and positive life is whether they are able to change their outlook, improve their disposition and rub off on the people around them to create a happy & positive environment for everyone.